I am not coping well. Not at all.
Not since our daughter came home 7 days ago.
It is nice to have her home safe and sound and I did miss her, but after having the house to ourselves for the last 6 months, being able to talk, deal with things...and do 'other' things when we felt like it, suddenly we cannot do any of it.
I go from bad to worse, knowing that The Silence cannot deal with issues until she goes out. Before she left she went out to dance lessons everyday, which meant we had time to ourselves to deal with issues, talk and just have 'our' time.
This is probably sounding very selfish. I guess in some ways it is.
We have both grown used to having an empty nest.
We have had 7 days of visitors, (nice to know our daughter is loved by others too) or music, or 'Muummmm" and messes. A constant sensory overload.
I know that it is going to take time to adjust to the way things were.
Yesterday we had an 'our' day. Church in the morning, then shopping and home again to an empty house. First on the list of things to do was OTB.
It meant nothing.
I was/am in that distancing cave. So that was as far as we got. I was angry, stayed angry that I could not get past the 'this is such a waste of time'
I have found it easier to push The Silence away since we cannot deal with things at the time. It is easier to push him away in all areas than to know that we cannot do the things we once did at the time that it is needed.
It is all so confusing.
I need it when things happen, but cannot have it, therefore I don't want it and push him away...so dumb. So unexplainable.
I suppose that we will eventually work out a way to deal with things with a young adult in the house that has ears to hear what they are not supposed to hear.
Hez, so frustrating, I'm sure. I can't imagine what an empty nest would feel like as we have many years before our first born will even be leaving but I am sure we might just start dancing around the house naked when the last one leaves, lol! Hoping you two can find a nice balance during this transitional time. :)
ReplyDeleteYep, that would be hard to go from empty nest to not so empty. Make e most of every alone time you have. Don't push, pull instead. :)
ReplyDeleteHugs
I'm sorry you're having issues :( hopefully you'll find a way around it soon. It's hard to get used to things and then have them all mixed up, you know??
ReplyDeleteBig hugs,
Elle
I have read a few posts dealing with this problem, and I always start thinking about ways to avoid the prospective trouble -- without coming to any workable conclusion, I admit.
ReplyDeleteI am perplexed as to how we get ourselves into a position where we cannot be forthright with our own children. I have always thought one should never tell lies to a child, because that stops them from learning how things really are; and it partially closes communication with them.
Not telling your child what is going on between his/her parents is a lie of omission, of course; it's shielding the child from the truth. No good to say, she is too young, she wouldn't understand, she might tell her friends, then our careers might suffer or at least our social life; she might freak out. No good to say it's not for children to know this kind of thing; that's all obfuscation. A lie is a lie. Our child will too soon be an adult with her own relationships and might benefit from knowing how their parents get along.
I know there are families where the children have known from the beginning that their mother is disciplined by their father, but I do not know how their lives pan out. Can the adverse pressures of society be avoided or resisted?
I'm sorry it's not working as well as you'd like at the moment. I have to say, as much as we are looking forward to having kids, having to move this part of our relationship around a lot kinda bothers me.
ReplyDeleteCallie
Emailing......
ReplyDeleteBut I'll say HUGS and SO much understanding from my (summer vacation) land
willie
Hez...I'm sorry things are hard but am so glad to see you write a post. I've missed you.
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ReplyDeleteHi Hez, it must be so difficult for you at the moment. Nice to have her home but resenting that your privacy has gone. We are lucky that our nest is empty, I can't imagine how anyone manages with kids at home. But where there's a will there's a way. I hope the Silence does find a way to get you back, it's hard for him too I expect. Very frustrating, just use every opportunity you get and try and lean on him rather than away. love
ReplyDeleteJan.xx
Hey Hez. I am sorry that things are going so rough. Even though you love your daughter very much, it can be hard to have a routine that you get used to change. There is a freedom in it just being the two of you, and I understand how frustrating that can be. Whenever the Duke and I start to get into a good rhythm, all the sudden we'll have company for several days, and things get out of whack. Not the same, I know, but I can only imagine how much harder it is knowing that things can't go back for now. I'll be hoping and praying that you guys will find a balance. One that helps you feel close, and connected. Any chance you have a shed you could empty out back? Could tell her it's for practicing your dancing. ;) And then when you're practicing, you could also be resolving some issues. ;)
ReplyDeleteI'm a new visitor here, but I feel for you. I'm familiar with a version of this problem. There's always a moment of: What day is this? Who is home when?..... You'll figure it out. There are so many ways He puts me in a submissive state, without anyone really being the wiser. A few minutes in a corner in the bathroom. Maybe with a plug? Nothing gets to a strong independent me faster. As Malcom has, I struggle with the question of: why not tell? But I am NO WHERE near doing it! Good luck-it's possible
ReplyDeleteI'm a new visitor here, but I feel for you. I'm familiar with a version of this problem. There's always a moment of: What day is this? Who is home when?..... You'll figure it out. There are so many ways He puts me in a submissive state, without anyone really being the wiser. A few minutes in a corner in the bathroom. Maybe with a plug? Nothing gets to a strong independent me faster. As Malcom has, I struggle with the question of: why not tell? But I am NO WHERE near doing it! Good luck-it's possible
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