Connection

Having a chat this morning with someone who asked about the 'Connection' between The Silence and I.

Had it changed. Had ttwd changed the way our relationship now is.

She made me stop and think ... (thanks for that :)

Sooooooo.... The question that needs answering is this:

Are we/our relationship now different from what it was when we started a few short months ago?

The answer is YES! Yes it is.

We have more understanding of each other, our feelings, our character. It has drawn us together on a daily basis.

We laugh and love more. We hold hands when we are out. 

I want to be with The Silence, sometimes, just sitting near him. Doing nothing.

I have made him his first morning coffee for years....made it, woken him, and left the room. Now, I make it, wake him, and stay, snuggled in his arms until it is time for him to get up. It is a closeness that at first was foreign..now it feels as comfortable as snuggling into a nice soft blanket. (not that he is like a blanket at all)

I have always greeted him at the door at the end of each day..I think I have done it everyday for the last 24 years (well nearly). Now I do it, because I want to see his face. To ask him how his day went, to hold him. to hug and kiss him in welcome.

I want the closeness of him to me. To feel secure and loved, trusting in him.

We listen more...to each other. Not just when I am OTB. Not just in discipline. Though that is how it started out.

Now we listen to each other, when we are doing things. I watch his body language, want to be there for him, as he is for me.

I love this man, as I said at the start when I first started blogging

'I loved this man yesterday, 

and I will love him even more tomorrow,

Than today'

For all the time I get into trouble and find myself in the bedroom yet again, I would not trade this new life, new direction for ANY of our old life. I would not want to go back to that.

Though ttwd is about learning respect, obedience and submission, it is also about learning to love. Out of these three things has come a joy in our marriage, a connection that was missing, a link that was broken is starting to be fixed. It is a learning process that will continue through the years, bringing with it even more understanding, more love, more of what we are both wanting, not for others who look at our marriage, but for us, separate and together.

The price of going back would be to lose what we have gained in closeness, connection, love. Nothing is worth losing that.

Once the thought of growing old together, for both of us, was out of our commitment to our vows. Our beliefs. Neither of us could see us being old together.

Now I can. I want to be still loving, still trusting, still learning as we swing our zimmer frames in time with each other.

Walking side by side as one. Loving, trusting, and committed.  

This is the new connection that we have discovered in each other. The love that was there, is now stronger.

I am his and he is mine.

And that is how it should be.