Friday, 3 April 2015

Earth to Earth - Anyone Still Out There Part Two

So Part One is out of the way, and now it is time to sort out Part Two.

Knowing that you have failed, when you think your communication was great does not install much confidence in yourself when it comes to further communication. What it does do though is make you more aware of your failings and how much more you have to try.

If you fail once, twice, thrice, you MUST get up and try again. It may take a change to do so. It may take days or weeks to find a solution to a problem, but to admit defeat and let the world, your world fall around you is not acceptable.

My life long motto has always been and will continue to be: There is ALWAYS another way.

I could say that after The Silence had come home all fell into place and was all rosy.

But then I would be lying.

He was hurting just as much. I was building walls faster than they built Rome.

We had reached a new level of falling apart, and a level that was unknown to us both.

But you see I possess a strength that has got me through in the long lost past, and The Silence, though down is never out for the count. Between us, if we could put aside the hurt and distrust we could get through this together. After all, what had the last three and a half years been for if we could not pull through this?

It was time to communicate on a heart level.

Do you know how hard that is when you are two hurting people? Where one is distrustful and the other trying to gain some footing amongst the upheaval.

We talked. And talked.

We talked about the pain that The Silence felt when he had to give discipline. We talked about how hard it was for him. We talked about the things I said when I didn't want discipline, when I fought against the very thing I had brought to him in the first place.  We talked about how he felt about DD. That he felt it was right, that it had pulled us together, made us stronger in our marriage - and that he didn't want to stop DD, he just could not keep bringing himself to administer pain.

We discussed, and not always rationally on my part. We talked about how we could change the way DD looked to us. How we could find a way to keep building on what we already had gained - instead of throwing it all away.

The result of all that was a DD/ttwd relationship, not based on spanking (or very little, and only for the D's) but based on other alternative disciplines.

We had talked and come to a conclusion, though rocky at first because I didn't know how this was going to work, plus the distrust that needed to be put aside, maybe was going to work for us both.

I can hear some people saying that DD/ttwd is based solely on being over the bed, knee, chair etc. Well no, it doesn't have to be. We had to find a way that worked for us.

Are we carrying on with DD/ttwd? Yes. Has the dynamic changed? Yes it has.

Are the things we are now doing to replace the spanking working? Oh yes they are!!

Discipline now takes longer, are actually harder than a spanking (for me - remember I have a cast iron butt) and are focused more on what I really don't like at all.

Spankings were hard for The Silence to give - spankings because of my tendency to be able to withstand quite a bit, really were not working for either of us.

Now some discipline for one 'indiscretion' can take 2 or more hours, and sometimes several days,  of doing something that I dislike/hate/find pointless.

Our dynamic has changed quite a bit. The Silence now has more say - like this blog. I have to let him read it first before I post. I know that is not unusual for some, but this is one of the things that has changed in our home.

Things I used to take for granted cannot be taken for granted any longer.

This has changed us both.

The Silence is more relaxed, less stressed over DD/ttwd. So am I. And The Silence seems to have unveiled a more Alpha male side to him. (which by the way, is incredibly sexy  suits him well)

He no longer has to wait, sometimes days. for the other members of our household to go out. Most of the disciplines can be done with others still in the house. It takes a bit of cunning and sometimes a little lie - like 'Mums having a nap' (if only!!) or 'Mums in having a shower" So all that stress of having to wait and deal has now on the most part been taken away.

Will our new way change in time and go back to the way it was? I don't think so. It can only develop more. Even in the last few weeks it has grown and changed, and will continue to do so. But that is another story, for another time. It is a change that will only bring more harmony into our house.

There is a freedom in understanding each other. There is a freedom in being able too, or rather learning to let go of those heart feelings.

Sorry, have to finish here as there is a mat and a closet with my name on it - Actually the mat says 'welcome' how ironic is that :)


  1. It's great to have you back Hez and the honesty of these two posts is heartwarming. I know it must be difficult to lay yourself open but your truthfulness can only help others for whom the route that they first envisaged just cannot be travelled.
    I hope you can carry on blogging here.

    1. HI Janey,
      Thank you for your comments. I think it is a natural change that comes over time with DD. It seems to keep evolving, sometimes out of necessity and other times just as a 'norm'
      Went over and had a read of all your posts - got very distracted! I too like Indian food :)

  2. "The pessimist complains about the wind. The optimist hopes it will change. The realist adjusts the sails"~ William H. Ward

    Picking yourself up, dusting yourself off and trying again, again, and again, is tiring to say the least. Each time you feel like you add another chink in the armour because you are afraid to wholly give yourself again. It isn't easy to take a deep breath, and jump!

    I know for Barn and myself year two meant a great deal of growth on HIS part. Which in turn meant a lot of soul searching for both of us. It felt like all the balls were up in the air, and I wasn't certain which ones or if any were going to be caught. The important ones thankfully were. The others, while they served a purpose at the time...were no longer needed.

    TTWD for many of us develops beyond Dd into true D/s~ something I thought ( incorrectly)a long ago was a term used for only bedroom activities. The desire to submit and the desire for dominance is much stronger than the desire for discipline. At least that was our discovery. Physical connections of any type are still great reconnection tools here, but for *us* anyway it is the everyday displays of who we are in our relationship that keeps ttwd alive and flourishing not the looming threats. LOL.

    As for the iron butt...tell that Silence guy, or rather SUGGEST, that the quickest way to a burning bum sensation is through a woman's ears! I have found that once Barney figured out what made me tick, guilt bum force field came down and I felt things I never did before, physically and emotionally. In short , stop being Silent! LMBO.

    Love willie

    1. Hey Willie.
      Thanks for your comments. As usual they are thought provoking! Love that quote by William H. Ward. Might print that off and put it on the wall.
      I had to smile at the comment you made 'beyond Dd into true D/s~ something I thought ( incorrectly)a long ago was a term used for only bedroom activities.The desire to submit and the desire for dominance is much stronger than the desire for discipline. ' I think this happens to many of us who come in with very limited knowledge and expectations.

      I for one certainly never expected for DD/ttwd to take the turn it has now taken.

      As for The Silence talking more - baby steps is what is needed. He has greatly improved since we first started :) and continues to improve as I, correctly or incorrectly (whichever way you wish to look at it) encourage him to talk more.

      Love Hez

  3. Loved reading this post and knowing you've found a way to make TTWD work for both of you. Continued blessings.

    1. Hi Leigh
      Thank you for your comment and continued blessings. Glad you liked the post. I think everyone needs to find the way that works for them, as we are all different - well, I think the natural instinct in us could be the same. Same, same but different :)

  4. Good for you for finding ways to make TTWD work for you as a couple! hugs

  5. Hi Renee,
    Thank you for your comment. Yes we have made it work. Still getting used to the 'discipline' :)