Friday, 1 March 2013

Question For Your Hoh...

So this post is a little strange as it is really not a post at all, but more of a question for your hoh to answer (or you can)

'What is the meaning of life?'     Oh wait, wrong question!!

It is this one that needs an answer!

What is your definition/meaning/role of an Hoh?

This is a question that has come up a bit in the last week..or two...maybe even three.  I guess it is called trying to find your feet....which seemed to have slipped a bit on the twdd/dd ground.


I am tired of going around in circles...and I am tired of trying to find enough info on His role. and tired of going around in circles explaining and explaining and explaining 

So, I thought ...

'Why not ask?'

So I have.

And now I await all the wisdom that can be gleaned from all you wonderful friends, readers and followers here in blogland :)

I would prefer, if possible your Hoh to respond (even if you have to type it for them). I guess I am looking solely for a male/Hoh response since there is such a lack of males out here, or in here in bloggy land.

Failing the male response, I will take any insight I can get :)

Thanking you and your Hoh in advance :)


  1. Lets see, the meaning of life.... oh wait wrong answer! lol
    Characteristics of the HoH is an interesting topic. Since every DD relationship is different, there are as many answers as there are individuals living this unique lifestyle. There is no one definitive answer. A general idea would be that the HoHs responsibility is to lead from a place of high character & simply be everything their relationship & household needs. Not as easy as it sounds, right! And that's why it takes a lot of work, communication, time and patience to become an experienced HoH.
    A pivotal point in the development of a HoH is when they take the leadership mantle through positive reinforcement & communication, are able to listen through what their partner is communicating and understand their TiHs individual needs.
    A new HoH will ask about implements, spanking & being "Dominant" Experience begins with the realization that the HoH is not a dictator and DD is a whole lot more then spanking! :)

    1. Just love BB's response. THAT is what it is all about. I believe my husband Will would agree, almost word for word.

      Which is why ttwd is working so incredibly well for us. :)

      Elisa Xo

  2. Thank you! Gee, I was looking for the meaning of life not really :)
    Yes, we understand that this is a unique lifestyle and that each Hoh will be different, and have different views and ideas. What happens though when you keep giving positive reinforcement and communication but nothing seems to be getting through? In fact, in some ways, going backwards at a steady pace?
    Thanks Mr BB for an extremely quick answer too :)

  3. In the words of my H.....

    An HoH is the leader of the home. He is the person who is responsible for monitoring accountability and order within the home. He is to ensure day to day tasks are done and that the household runs, calmly and respectfully.


    1. Thanks Callie

      Which Is what I say too. But the Hoh..well over thinks things I think.


  4. I will ask the boss tonight if he will type you an answer.

    1. Thanks Susie

      Look forward to reading what he says :)

  5. Well, I'm a male so I will try to give the role (not the definition or meaning) of the HoH as I see it.

    1) HoH has to make sure that nothing disastrous happens to the house or the people in it, either as a result of some outside influence or some kind of family self-destruction.

    2) He should delegate the necessary actions as far as possible to those individuals who are most capable of carrying them out. it may be that he has to do a lot of stuff himself, but he must see that it gets done, and not just live in hope.

    3) If he has the vision, he should work towards educating the members of his household in matters he considers important; and be ready to learn from other members in matters where they have more experience, wisdom or knowledge; but in any case he must listen carefully to what they have to say and give appropriate feedback.

    4) He must make sure that other members of the household have what they need for happiness and fulfillment, materially, sexually and spiritually, as far as possible.

    There may be more, but this already sounds quite a lot, so I will leave it there and let others improve upon it, or argue with it perhaps.

    1. Thanks Malcolm

      Well wrote out and as always full of great information. I like all of your four points.
      Thank you for taking the time to answer, it is much appreciated.

  6. Hi Hez. Here is my Daddys answer which was cut and paste from an email he sent. My comments are after the dashes.

    My opinion of the definition, meaning and role of HoH has two parts because of the relationship we are in.

    Daddy has to direct babygirl respectfully out of love and leadership. On the slave aspect of it, babygirl has to abide by the rules he has put forth to make the house and life run smoothly. The path we chose depends on her following the direction of daddy. This doesn't mean everything daddy says is etched in stone. Daddy is in charge and will make the best decisions in the best interests of the family. The rules and guidelines are to make babygirl be a better person.

    The second part involves the whole house/family. Decisions that concern and involve the children, financials and major life changing matters have to be communicated between each other. These are matters that can break up any family in my opinion.

    I do think that daddy will have the final say everytime, but it should be done with alot of thought and concern on how it would affect everyone presently and in the future.

    Not sure if this answers the question, but its a basis that I go on and want.


    Let me start by saying we are in a high protocol Master/Slave relationship (well at least that's how it feels to me but others might disagree) so some of this may be too much for some.

    Daddy does lead me and our relationship in any way he sees fit so that we have a peaceful life. He also demands a lot of respect and he punishes consistently if he has not been addressed correctly, a rule is not followed or if one becomes a little too lets say enthusiastic when expressing her opinion.

    Daddy has always been Dominant but when we started DD it was still a huge struggle because it was hard to tell what would be a punishable offense. Daddy went the way of being very strict and punishing for even the smallest thing like not saying Sir at the end of any answer to him. We went with daily maintenance too and he would review what he expected while paddling my bottom. Lets just say being over his lap or bent over the bed was a daily occurrence until we both really got the hang of how this was really going to work. It may seem harsh but it really gave him the confidence to follow through with discipline and requiring certain behavior. It really gave me a chance to accept what he needed from me so he could be comfortable. That being said he is also very affectionate, loving and cherishes me and it shows everyday and in lots of ways.

    Hope this is helpful and sorry it took up so much space. Feel free to email me if you have questions or want to chat further. Although you are not new at this sometimes it helps to get a different perspective and maybe start from square one so you can feel some forward progress. Don't get me wrong we struggle ALL THE TIME the struggles are just different now.....mostly because my mouth is just quicker then my brain and then other times one just doesn't feel like asking for permission to do every little thing.


    1. Thanks Db and thanks to your Hoh too :)

      A great reply, and full of information too. Don't worry about it taking up space... :)
      My mouth, unfortunately is quicker than my brain too :( I will be reading these out to the Hoh. I am not even sure what he is after with this question, other than the fact that I think he over thinks things far to much.
      Sounds like you have a wonderful relationship with each other with good understanding of where you are both at.

      Hugs :)

  7. I am going to text and ask right now! I will let you know the reply ;)

    1. Thanks Elle, looking forward to reading the reply :)


  8. Wes says that being an HoH means he has money in the bank. Not too lofty, I know.

    I'm reading The Surrendered Wife by Laura Doyle and its really helping me.

    Hope all goes well,

    1. Hi Bea

      Yep, I have not been into our bank for ages! Not that we are saving any money at moment with children needing that and that. I have heard about that book, must get a copy!


  9. Good idea to ask, it's interesting seeing everyone's replies! I'm going to see if Cael will give me some sort of answer and report back!

    1. Hi Riley,

      It is interesting seeing the replies. Look forward to hearing what Cael says :)