When we first started ttwd/dd I thought only of our marriage. Changing the dynamics of our relationship and having my husband as Head of the House.
I knew it would change us.
What I did not know at the time was how much it would change me. The way I act and react, the way I love, the way I feel about submission, the way I now think twice...well most times.
What I did not count on changing was my appearance.
Before ttwd/dd I wore nice clothes, made sure I looked tidy and that was about it. I ate when I wanted to and ate what I wanted. Whether it was healthy or not.
Yes I wanted an exercise machine long before this thing we do. But I wanted it only to get fit.
Now, I use it so that my body can be the best that it can be for my man, for my Hoh. I want to have that tight rear and stomach. Be of a 'nice' size. I want him to look at me and know that what he is looking at is good and is his.
I want this for myself.
Ttwd/dd has changed the way I think about myself. My low self esteem, though there still in some areas has changed. The way I see myself is different.
Once when I looked at myself in the mirror, which I avoided when I could, all I could see was an over weight, forty something woman in whom there was no hope. There was nothing about my body to love.
Someone had stolen that young, slim, reasonably good looking woman of my younger years. What I had now was my lot. I felt fat and ugly and wondered daily what The Silence could see in me to love - my flabby belly? My fat legs? My lunch lady arms? My sagging chin? My fat (but spankable) rear?
I know that he loves me for who I am. He must do...he is still with me!
My thinking has changed - helped along by The Silence insisting on me eating breakfast and lunch. Something that I fought against at the start. Now, I cannot wait for him to wake in the mornings just so we can have breakfast together...give me that cereal and give it to me now! (Obviously food orientated, though I do enjoy spending that breakfast time with him)
I still don't love my body. But my thinking has changed. I can and will do something about this. I can change. I wont be the slim young girl of my youth or early married years - before children. But I can be slimmer and tighter, fitter...(we have the technology to rebuild you, make you faster, stronger, better...remember that program. You would be showing your age if you can :)
That is how ttwd/dd has changed one part of me :)
|Look closely at the exit...that is currently me after time|
on the exercise machine!
Hugs! And may you day be spank free and that dangling carrot a bit closer! - mine isn't :(