Saturday 2 February 2013

Exercise Machines and Kettle Bells



When we first started ttwd/dd I thought only of our marriage. Changing the dynamics of our relationship and having my husband as Head of the House.

I knew it would change us. 

What I did not know at the time was how much it would change me. The way I act and react, the way I love, the way I feel about submission, the way I now think twice...well most times.

What I did not count on changing was my appearance.

Before ttwd/dd I wore nice clothes, made sure I looked tidy and that was about it. I ate when I wanted to and ate what I wanted. Whether it was healthy or not.

Yes I wanted an exercise machine long before this thing we do. But I wanted it only to get fit.

Now, I use it so that my body can be the best that it can be for my man, for my Hoh. I want to have that tight rear and stomach. Be of a 'nice' size. I want him to look at me and know that what he is looking at is good and is his.

I want this for myself.

Ttwd/dd has changed the way I think about myself. My low self esteem, though there still in some areas has changed. The way I see myself is different.

Once when I looked at myself in the mirror, which I avoided when I could, all I could see was an over weight, forty something woman in whom there was no hope. There was nothing about my body to love. 

Someone had stolen that young, slim, reasonably good looking woman of my younger years. What I had now was my lot. I felt fat and ugly and wondered daily what The Silence could see in me to love - my flabby belly? My fat legs? My lunch lady arms? My sagging chin? My fat (but spankable) rear?

I know that he loves me for who I am. He must do...he is still with me!

My thinking has changed - helped along by The Silence insisting on me eating breakfast and lunch. Something that I fought against at the start. Now, I cannot wait for him to wake in the mornings just so we can have breakfast together...give me that cereal and give it to me now! (Obviously food orientated, though I do enjoy spending that breakfast time with him)

I still don't love my body. But my thinking has changed. I can and will do something about this. I can change. I wont be the slim young girl of my youth or early married years - before children. But I can be slimmer and tighter, fitter...(we have the technology to rebuild you, make you faster, stronger, better...remember that program. You would be showing your age if you can :)

That is how ttwd/dd has changed one part of me :)

Look closely at the exit...that is currently me after  time
on the exercise machine!

Hugs! And may you day be spank free and that dangling carrot a bit closer! - mine isn't :(






26 comments:

  1. Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!

    Love
    Willie

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    1. Well, an hour to trying to comment..not sure whether it is blogger or my internet!

      What I was trying to say was:

      I will remember that Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay! next time I am doing exercise and thinking 'oh my gosh, kill me now!

      Love and hugs :)

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  2. Replies
    1. Hi Callie,

      So hard isn't it, when you think that your Hoh could not possibly love what we see in the mirror..

      Hugs

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  3. I could identify with just about every part of your post. I found your blog listed on the side of someone else's blog (can't remember where) and the word kettlebells caught my attention. I've gone through alot of the same thoughts you expressed here and I am working on becoming an improved me including working out with kettlebells. Dave regularly asks me if I did them to keep me accountable.
    So, Kudos to you! Where you have come to is a great accomplishment and a good place to be. Keep it going.

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    1. Hi Jacquie

      I can never remember whose blog I have found someone else's blog on either!
      My Hoh keeps me accountable too, with the exercise written in my 'Daily List Book'
      Good on you too for coming to this point too :) Good luck!

      Hugs

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  4. Atta girl, Hez. I am doing yoga and watching what I eat...and Ian is watching me like a hawk, because it is part of my new health regime for peri menopause, but it is good to want to be healthy for our men, as well as how look.
    hugs and big smiles for you, sweetie
    lillie

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    1. Hi Lillie,

      Been a long time coming to this point. I think before ttwd/dd I felt that we were just going through the motions of being married, and it really didn't matter how I looked. Now it does :)
      Good luck with you new health regime :)

      Hugs

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  5. Good for you Hez!! What type of exercise machine do you have?

    I soooo want a treadmill and a big old exercise ball... but He says there is no room for them :( I bet it'd be fun...
    Wish I could change my thinking for good one day.

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    1. Hi Emi,

      I have a elliptical crosstrainer..or something like that :)There is a photo of it a few posts back. We have a small house and have it positioned in front of the bookcase. It now makes the room look crowded but hey, at least it is there. It is big and takes up a lot of room, and even getting on it takes some form of exercise!

      Hugs

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  6. Hi Hez, I agree totally, I don't go to the gym but I teach dance part time, so I am fairly fit. I am however still chubby:( Both of us have decided to do something about our weight so I am going to beat that middle-aged spread and menopausal attack somehow. Loved your post, Thankyou for visiting me, love jan.x

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    1. Hi Jan

      That middle age spread has a lot to answer for...that and the menopausal attack!

      Loved visiting you :) and will be back to read more. At the moment I feel that I always seem to be playing catch up on peoples posts.

      Hugs

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  7. LOVE LOVE LOVE the photo of the gym!!! :) You know, I wrote a letter to someone a few days ago about how I didn't expect DD to change me, but it did. I can't thank you enough for sharing. It really does help us become better versions of ourselves. I never expected this really either. I still don't have the drive to better my body, but know I should, so I have asked my HoH to give me a rule for exercise and the amount of "treats" I'm allowed to have. I can't wait to hear the posts on your progress. {{{HUGS}}} You can do it! :) And I really need to start saying this to myself as well.

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    1. Hi Es May

      It does change us, on the inside. I don't think any one of us can deny some change within our own thinking or emotions...well, the emotions run riot which is a hard thing to get used to.
      Good luck with your rule for exercise and the amount of treats you are allowed to consume...so far today, I am not doing well.
      You can do it too Es May, because you want it!

      Hugs :)

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  8. I'm working on it too...please keep motivating me Hez! It's hard. I eat a freaking carrot and my body stores it up.

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    1. Hey Susie,

      Consider yourself motivated! I am the same...that darn carrot, I cannot catch it nor can I eat it without gaining weight!
      Good luck though stay away from the carrots!

      Hugs

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  9. *sigh* Is it horrible of me to say that I'm just not feeling it right now? I need to get back into a routine. This on again off again exercise isn't really doing anything for me. Maybe I need to get off the treadmill and try something new or revisit something...speaking of which, I have a kettle bell that's gathering dust. I think I'll get it out and give it a go. :) Thanks for the motivation Hez!

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    1. Hey Grace

      I am not feeling it today :( To hot and to tired

      Sometimes it pays to try something new..might makes a difference to how you feel right now.
      Our kettle bell was gathering dust too...for over a year in the back of the wardrobe!

      Good luck!!

      Hugs

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  10. Hez,
    What a totally fantastic post. I, too, have been considering joining a gym (again) but this time go more than three times in a year! (I'd love for Will to join me, I think it would be great for both of us).

    I love how you described how you are thinking differently of yourself, now. Confidence is definitely attractive. :)

    Elisa Xo

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    1. Hi Elisa Will,

      Thanks :)

      I could never join a gym..funnily enough because I would probably only go once or twice...look at all the young skinny wenches and feel totally defeated before I even started!

      So much better being able to do it at home, that way when the bulge wobbles no one is going to mistake for jelly or a stranded whale!

      Hugs

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  11. I loved this. I can identify with so much of it. Low self esteem must be something many of us understand. I miss being fit and how it made me felt. You post reminds me of what I want- I can think of no greater compliment to pay a writer.

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    1. Thank you Abby :)

      I think low self esteem is what most of us understand. Shame really, as I wonder how much could we all achieve without the low self esteem issue.

      Thank you for your compliment, must be because I am currently sick, but it brought tears to me :)

      Hugs

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  12. isnt it amazing the changes it can make in us for the better hugs

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    1. Hi Trazuredpet,

      Yes, loving the changes that it makes :)

      hugs

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