Wednesday, 2 January 2013

A Vision of My Consistent Husband.

I have to say doing these essays, are giving me enough stuff to post :)

A Vision of My Consistent Husband. (um..what?)
(500 words not including the title or references to cheesecake)

I don’t have a vision of a consistent husband. I just need a husband that is consistent, or at least respects me enough to tell me why he is letting things slide instead of dealing with them at the time. Otherwise, I spend hours wondering what the punishment is going to be.

And then find out there isn’t any.

I want that accountability, security, direction, his covering and protection. His guidance in our marriage, his guidance and consistency that is going to improve, (not fix because it was not broken) our relationship with each other.

 As a consistent husband you are responsible for leading and I am responsible for following.  I recognise that it is a hard thing to do. You have to deal with my female ways...or mischief if you want to call it that, you have to still deal with things when you would rather be resting, or doing something else, you have to deal with your own emotions of whether this is fair, or spank when you don't want too, or decide what is best, while I have to learn to follow, to yield, to be submissive and to trust.

Consistency brings harmony. Would you rather I snuggled up in your arms in contentment, with trust and respect for you, with intimacy, with love? Or would you rather let things slide and end up with a wife that is distancing, distrustful, rebellious and back in control?

Consistency brings that intimacy and trust. And respect for you as my husband, the Hoh, the man I married, the one I love. There is no room for doubt about ttwd – this thing we do, when consistency is exercised each day.

Having a consistent husband eliminates frustration. There is no bitterness when punishments are administered. Quite the opposite in fact. There is anger, bitterness, a feeling of loss, of abandonment, that you don’t care, disrespected all of that, when you are not consistent.

I can see you stepping up when it is needed, but still being compassionate and understanding even while deciding what needs to be done, but not letting that get in the way of the rules.  The rules we made when we first started. 

In our relationship we need to have consistency. Emotional reactions, and that is purely what they are to anything that is not followed through leaves one feeling abandoned, disrespected (yes, us females can feel that too) that you don’t care.

I am not asking for perfection...sheesh, no one can be perfect.

If you cannot think what should be done....say something. Don’t leave it hanging for hours – in silence. Tell me that you recognise a problem that needs dealing with, but at this time you have not decided on a ‘correct’ action that needs to be taken. But don’t leave it to the following day either. Lack of sleep because of worry about what could be coming up is not in the best interest for either of us, as you well know. The decision needs to be done in a timely manner.

I don’t see you as a dictator, or abusive (I agreed to ttwd/dd) or controlling. I see you as my loving husband, who for the good of our relationship, the good of our home is helping me/us to be loving, understanding, in line and walking each step with each other, each minute, each hour, each day, month and year from here on forward. 


  1. Insightful! Thank you.


  2. Hi Fiona :)

    Thanks for your comment...this essay took forever to do :(

  3. **Having a consistent husband eliminates frustration. There is no bitterness when punishments are administered. Quite the opposite in fact. There is anger, bitterness, a feeling of loss, of abandonment, that you don’t care, disrespected all of that, when you are not consistent.**

    That is it right there isn't it? There has been more issues over here ( not that B always know that at the time) with the inconsistent HoH. The feeling I find most is abandonment when there is no follow through. Like the priority of ttwd and therefore ME is low on the list.

    Good Job. Looks like Silence will have you in blog post ideas for a while :)

    Love Willie

    1. Those abandonment issue are hard to work through too. Makes it so easy to distance ourselves. I have never seen it as 'ME low on the list' and you are right, it would seem to be like that.

      Well, if it is any consolation, I don't think you are low on anyone in bloglands list :)

      Yes, The Silence just keeps coming up with essays...I have a feeling that he has a whole pile of titles stacked away somewhere.

      Love and hugs :)

  4. I love your subtitle, that you couldn't count cheesecake, lol :)
    Hugs, Elle

    1. HE told me I was not allowed to have any references to cheesecake in the essay. Since it does not include the title, I just could not resist :)

      Hugs to you to Elle

  5. Not letting you include the cheesecake comments....that's just mean! (jk) Looks like he was on to you, lol. You know, after you wrote the first I asked Daddy if he'd ever do that...non-spanking correction, like essays. He said, "why do you ask?", so I showed him your post, he grinned, too....and said yes, if it fit the situation he could see it being a useful tool....sigh. It's different when you just do it, and when someone tells you you have to....all the thoughts just shrivel up then! But you did quite the lovely job :)

    (((hugs))) and Happy New Year!

    1. oh June...essays are a pain, especially when you have a time limit to get them done. Lucky for me since I was 'given' this one late at night, I could start and finish it in the morning. This one was really hard. My first ever one was 1000 words and that took forever to do :(

      Thanks for the compliment :)

  6. If you cannot think what should be done....say something.

    I tried that. But it didn't really work. It is practically impossible to discuss these problems "in the group".
    No, being a leader is a lonely profession.
    It's not easy to learn to be a leader.

    1. Hi Bas,

      Communication between us is one of the biggest issues we have. There is a reason why he is called The Silence. Saying something lets me know that he is still on the same page, while also, hopefully helping him to be stronger in his Hoh role. That what he says goes, whether it is now or later.

      You are right Bas, being a leader is a not easy to learn. I do disagree with you though (sorry, and I disagree with the utmost respect for you) that while in some situations being a leader is a lonely profession, I do not think it is/should be in ttwd. If you have a supportive wife (which I fail at sometimes) you cannot be alone.

      Hugs Bas

  7. Very interesting post. I think that consistency is an issue that dd couples struggle with, even ones that have been doing ttwd a long time. Specific circumstances change things and HoHs (most that I know) worry about being tyrants.
    It is a dance back and forth between yielding and possessing and it doesn't always go just right, but as long as the intent to love, cherish, protect is there it will all work itself out.
    I am going to read this to Ian.....thanks, sweetie

    1. Hi Lillie :)

      He does worry about being a tyrant. And like I keep telling him, we agreed to this, I understand. But it is something that has to be worked through/learnt.

      I also have to learn to accept the dance of back and forth. Never have been good at dancing though:)

      Beware of reading it to Ian...someone else who let their Hoh read the last essay, has said that they might now end up with having to do them if it seems appropriate for the 'indiscretion'

      I have visions of all the blogs I read being essays! :)

      Much Hugs