Sometimes, if it was not for the fact that The Silence would like a record kept of how I have felt through this, I would not even blog. Sometimes.
I cannot put on paper what I really mean, apparently sometimes it comes across as criticizing him and that I am forcing him into being an Hoh. Well, sorry about that. But these are my feelings...it is what I see at the time.
So, lets do a post on what does go on in our home:
1) I get spanked if I even mention stopping ttwd/dd. Because he can see the benefits of this, and does not want to stop. I signed a contract saying we were in this for life. And that is the way it is going to be. (This came from the Meltdown of all meltdowns just after China)
2) He reads every post I do. He has every right to ask that I change or take down a post. He has every right to comment and put his spin on things.
3) Though it might not seem like it, I obey him...sometimes eventually...in all things. There are consequences if I don't, that he chooses. Not me.
4) More than half of the rules that we have, were his choosing. Plus he has added a few more as we have gone along. These also have been his choice, and a choice he is free to make.
5) When we communicate/talk we say it as we see it. If that means saying exactly what we see or hear, then that is the way it is. That, in our house, is communication. And...as this is my place to put down what I feel and see, I will put down what I feel at the time. If that is frustration and anger, that we are still struggling with the same issues again and again..well, then that is exactly what I will write. I will never lie on here, nor write something that does not come from the heart. Regardless of what it is. What would be the point in lying or covering up facts and feelings? How would that help me? How can people give advice if the truth is not there? How is that going to help someone else, who could be in the same situation?
6) He has a choice in whatever he chooses to do. We can discuss it, but ultimately the choice is his. I know this. I respect this.
7) He asks that I tell him when he has missed something, or to tell him when he should of corrected certain behaviours. It is how we are learning. He understands that there is frustration on my part, as there is on his. Which I understand.
This however does not mean that either of us does not get angry with each other. That is normal human reaction.
8) You have to know my husband as I do, to see why I get frustrated with some things when he does not step up. Really, when I think about it, ttwd has a two fold benefit.
I have seen people walk all over him in our married life. I have seen him miss out on things because he has not stepped up to the plate at the time. I have been hurt over this time and time again for his sake. I want him to succeed at this....this ttwd...that he chose to do, by himself, without any co-ercing from me, other than the information I brought him. I want him to know that he has every right to make every decision as he sees fit, that he is capable of doing not just this, but other things as well.
We have had people comment on how we both look different. With him the comments are about how sure of himself he now seems, confident, happier and in control.
They say that I look different, relaxed, happy. Now, if he did not want this, if it was not of his choosing, why would people notice the change? There would not be any, in either of us.
Yes, I get angry and frustrated like many of us wives do. Yes, I write what I am feeling at the time. I asked The Silence last night if he felt that some of my posts were criticising him...his answer was no, he does not. This is good enough for me, as I know that in this area he is very, very strict in. There is absolutely no put downs or anything of that nature tolerated in the house. It was one of the first rules that was laid down. And one of the rules that he never seems to forget to deal with!!