Monday, 14 January 2013

Our House :)

Sometimes, if it was not for the fact that The Silence would like a record kept of how I have felt through this, I would not even blog. Sometimes.

I cannot put on paper what I really mean, apparently sometimes it comes across as criticizing him and that I am forcing him into being an Hoh. Well, sorry about that. But these are my is what I see at the time.

So, lets do a post on what does go on in our home:

1) I get spanked if I even mention stopping ttwd/dd. Because he can see the benefits of this, and does not            want to stop.  I signed a contract saying we were in this for life. And that is the way it is going to be. (This came from the Meltdown of all meltdowns just after China)

2) He reads every post I do. He has every right to ask that I change or take down a post. He has every right to comment and put his spin on things.

3) Though it might not seem like it, I obey him...sometimes all things. There are consequences if I don't, that he chooses. Not me.

4) More than half of the rules that we have, were his choosing. Plus he has added a few more as we have gone along. These also have been his choice, and a choice he is free to make.

5) When we communicate/talk we say it as we see it. If that means saying exactly what we see or hear, then that is the way it is. That, in our house, is communication. this is my place to put down what I feel and see, I will put down what I feel at the time. If that is frustration and anger, that we are still struggling with the same issues again and again..well, then that is exactly what I will write. I will never lie on here, nor write something that does not come from the heart. Regardless of what it is. What would be the point in lying or covering up facts and feelings? How would that help me? How can people give advice if the truth is not there? How is that going to help someone else, who could be in the same situation?

6) He has a choice in whatever he chooses to do. We can discuss it, but ultimately the choice is his. I know this. I respect this.

7) He asks that I tell him when he has missed something, or to tell him when he should of corrected certain behaviours. It is how we are learning. He understands that there is frustration on my part, as there is on his. Which I understand.
This however does not mean that either of us does not get angry with each other. That is normal human reaction.

8) You have to know my husband as I do, to see why I get frustrated with some things when he does not step up. Really, when I think about it, ttwd has a two fold benefit.
I have seen people walk all over him in our married life. I have seen him miss out on things because he has not stepped up to the plate at the time. I have been hurt over this time and time again for his sake. I want him to succeed at this....this ttwd...that he chose to do, by himself, without any co-ercing from me, other than the information I brought him. I want him to know that he has every right to make every decision as he sees fit, that he is capable of doing not just this, but other things as well.

We have had people comment on how we both look different. With him the comments are about how sure of himself he now seems, confident, happier and in control.
They say that I look different, relaxed, happy. Now, if he did not want this, if it was not of his choosing, why would people notice the change? There would not be any, in either of us.

Yes, I get angry and frustrated like many of us wives do. Yes, I write what I am feeling at the time. I asked The Silence last night if he felt that some of my posts were criticising him...his answer was no, he does not. This is good enough for me, as I know that in this area he is very, very strict in. There is absolutely no put downs or anything of that nature tolerated in the house. It was one of the first rules that was laid down.  And one of the rules that he never seems to forget to deal with!!


  1. I totally understand point 8. This has been an issue for us in the past too. I'm glad that now he is starting to take control and step up in ways outside of our house. For a long time the needs of others came before the needs of our marriage and I resented him for that.

    Thanks for sharing this M3, it helps to know others have similar challenges and changes.


    1. Hi Callie

      It has been so frustrating over the years seeing it happen and being powerless to stop it.

      I am glad that your Hoh is now starting to take control outside the home too.

      Amazing how a change in the household can affect the outside influences too. :)

      Hugs :)

  2. You know..You don't have to justify. You write what you want, how you want, and you are right if Silence finds it bias or untrue it wouldn't be up here for us to read.

    An anonymous comment should not dissuade from expressing yourself in the way you do. No more over thinking this. Be you and those who know you will understand where you are coming from.

    Much MUCH Love

    1. Hey Willie

      I know. And thanks :)

      It just really floored me that someone could be so judgemental when they know nothing of what the full story is.

      I hate that in people :(

      Much MUCH love back

  3. Willie's right, we have all been hit by anonymous - schnoots to anonymous. I have addressed a couple of posts to anonymous, so has Christina, and a couple of others.

    The important thing is communication, as you are doing that. I said in a comment on someone else's blog, and Ward & I say it often - if you are telling someone there are doing it wrong, chances are YOU are the one doing it wrong.

    Sweetie, it only matters that you guys are working together, you are communicating. It's a process, it's always a process. Even when it gets where at this moment you want it to be, you will have grown and changed and so will your expectations. It's not a destination, it's a journey. All that matters is that you have each other's hands and each other's backs.

    Anonymous is a gnat - just puff them away,love.


    1. Hi June,

      Love that...'schnoots' might be my new word for the week!

      Thanks for your post and support. You are right it is a journey not a destination :)

      And I am puffing :)


  4. Anonymous has definitely been making the rounds. :( The great thing is that you and your husband has found something that works great for you, and that you are growing into such a great marriage, is so wonderful. Your marriage is to please each other and God, not Anonymous. He/She had no right to make you feel judged. I think it's awesome hearing about you and your husband, and can't wait to see more and more of your story. Sadly for anonymous... usually it's the people that are sad that try to make everyone else sad as well. I'm going to guess there is actually a lot of jealousy that you two are getting it so right. So I say keep making them jealous. ;)

    1. Afternoon Es May

      It does work for us...thankfully :)

      Thank you for your support too. We both feel that it was God that led us into this in the first place. As no matter where I went on the internet it seemed to lead me back to ttwd/dd!! For weeks!!

      Hugs :)

  5. Very interesting post, M3 . Sorry that anonymous has been bothering you. I often wonder why it is that those who don't like DD posts will not identify themselves in any way. I suppose they are afraid? And possibly, as Es May (Esme? That was my mother's name) has suggested, they may be envious at least, if not jealous. It's understandable that people cannot accept DD as it has become so politically incorrect and the majority of people take their thinking secondhand; though have there been recent signs of change in the public perception of DD?

    1. Hi Malcolm,

      Thanks. Was meant to post it yesterday but ended up deleting a bit about judging was not very nice :(

      I often wonder why if people do not like DD why do they read them in the first place?

      And you are right, it is politically incorrect (like most other things nowadays) and unless you 'know' first hand about DD I think it would be impossible to actually understand it fully.

      Thank you for your support Malcolm :)

  6. Sorry you had to deal with that. I'm with Willie and everyone else. I don't think you need to justify. I don't understand why people read our kind of blogs if they don't agree with our lifestyles.

    1. Morning Elle :)

      I agree, I don't know why they read them if they don't agree. Thanks for your support :)


  7. Hi M3. At first I was trying to figure out why you wrote this but then I went back to the old post (bah, as usual I'm trying to catch up with all of you) and saw what it was about.

    Nah, no need to justify yourself but it was a very interesting post, and shows very clearly the foundation you have both chosen for this way of life. You'll likely want to come back and read it sometime.

    1. Hi Susie,

      No worries about trying to catch up...I seem to be doing that too!

      Thank you for your support :) You are right, they are good foundations. Actually it was good to see it 'written' down, as it showed exactly what we have achieved :)

      Many hugs

  8. Hi M3, just read your last 2 post and agree with Willie, you should never have to justify what happens within your home. mr anonymous is truly ignorant and has no business posting on here. Keep you heart in the right place and go from there.

    1. Hi Cathie Cooky :)

      Thanks, you are right, I should not have to justify myself or what goes on in our home. I realised that now, but I was just so darn angry!! And this post had been edited from the original....or all you wonderful people might have discovered the 'real' me when my back is up!! :)

      Thank you for your support too :)