We started on our journey on the 10/10/2012.
It seems so much longer than that. A little over three months. Less the two weeks away that we could not do ttwd.
Oh the stuff that we have both had to deal with since then!
And the growth...now that has been amazing. In both of us.
I am sure that I have less times that I say 'no'. less times that I am disrespecting The Silence and more and more times of thinking before I speak.
He, more than me, has gone from strength to strength...the inner HoH has risen to the surface and has proclaimed in a loud voice (many times) that he is the Boss.
It is good :)
Whoever knew that this man had this in him..not me. Oh no, not me. He was always the cool, calm and collected one, the one that never ruffled anyone's feathers (except mine, and not always in a good way either) the one that always backed down and let me make the decisions for the household. The one that would not hurt a fly, well, ok, he would spray a fly, but catch a spider to let it outside to live while I brandished something large and awkward to help it on its way to the next world, if he did not dump it far enough from the house.
This man that cried when he first spanked me..and the second time...and the third time...
Now it is like second nature to him.....and so it should be, he darn well has had a lot of practice!
(though it still hurts him on the inside to do so)
This man has risen to the challenge to change the dynamics in our household. To be in the place that he should of been so many years ago.
And I am proud of him.
It has not been easy by any means.....I am not submissive. I am a rebel. I am a survivor. Life has taught me to be so. So often, I fight out of instinct. I want this, but cannot give in easy, that would mean, to me, giving in. I know that this is not so.
And yet The Silence has stepped up and lovingly nurtured my change, and his own.
Yes it is giving in. It is giving in, and giving up. It is giving in to change, giving in to the person you love, giving in to the life that is better, giving in to something that, oh, is so good, giving in to the way things should be.
Yes it is giving up. Giving up your own agenda, giving up disrespect, giving up manipulation, giving up selfish desires, giving up behaviours that affect your relationship. And the list could go on.
In my last post, I said that it had been a hell of a week, and yes it has. And yet through it all, unlike me, The Silence has hung in there. He believes in us. He believes in our marriage. He believes that we can conquer anything. He believes that Mr Gluestick should be resurrected from the grave. (I do not) He believes that all this is worth it. He believes that ttwd has worked, has bought change. And...He believes that we are not letting go of that.
I believe He could be right :)