I would really like to be sitting here typing these words:
'I am so good, that I have needed no disciplinary actions for the last two days...oh yeah I'm good'
Butt I cannot :(
I guess it is because we had only being living the DD lifestyle for such a short time before our two week trip away where we could not do any of ttwd.
It is like having to learn or relearn all over again. For both of us.
Nor is my rear used to being spanked anymore...for some reason it seems to hurt more.
The Silence has started this new thing where he gives me mini lectures and then asks me questions during the spanking....remember that place that I posted about previously that I go to when I am getting spanked? Well, it is harder to stay there when you have to keep answering questions about your behaviour and what is now expected of you.
Sneaky, nasty questions that keep me off guard.
He also has had a transformation in reading my body language. The things that I used to do, are now harder to do..distancing is one. Even if I am faking not being in the distancing cave, he picks it up, lets it go for awhile and then deals with it.
Later on: Same frustrating day
Ok, so to be fair, we are both sick. The Silence with some unknown bug that makes him sneeze all the time and have a runny nose, and a brain that just wont work.
Me, with asthma.
So really, I should not be surprised about today, coupled with the fact that we are actually out of balance with two weeks of not doing DD.
Frustrating much? Oh YES!
I have not known today what the boundaries are, have pushed them to the limit, or what is usually the limit and beyond. Was sent to do corner time and didn't do it as The Silence just didn't have his head on straight and basically forgot right after he sent me there. Soooo I took advantage of that, and didn't go.
I know, I know. I can hear a few of you saying that I should of been the submissive obedient wife anyway and done it....problem being, I could of still been standing there a few hours later waiting for him to remember where I was. Seriously!
When we first started DD, we talked about all the pros and cons (the pros being more than the cons) and it was mentioned that because of who I am, what my character is, etc, that he could not let things slide. One slide will lead to another, and I, being the rebel that I can be, will take advantage of it. And I do. And I did.
One has to be honest with oneself...and I know that this is one area that I struggle in daily. Give me an inch and I will take a mile or two.
The Silence knows this. Today, he just forgot.
So, by dinnertime, I was feeling a little lost. No set boundaries today, and those that are normally set were not followed through on. On our way back from China we quietly discussed that we would have to be tough and diligent over the next few weeks to get back into the 'swing' (and not the paddle swing, though I can see that featuring clearly on the horizon) of things.
We had a talk over dinner (daughter at dancing) and it came out how frustrated I was with him, when he said he thought there was something wrong because I was obviously angry with him.
So I explained what we had decided about how we would go about DD right at the beginning, the fact that we were supposed to be both diligent over the next two weeks, and that he had left me hanging so much today that right now I did not know whether I was Arthur or Martha.
The result: A spanking to cover all the things he has missed today and to get me back on track. I could be OTB for quite awhile :(
I read often on how the HoH's go away, or somebody is going on holiday, and they have posted that it will be hard when they come back etc. And, in my naivety have wondered how hard can it be?
Well now I know. And I apologise for not quite believing you. Wholeheartedly apologise in fact.
So, The Silence is downstairs making a replica of the hairbrush that we bought in China. The hair brush broke on Saturday afternoon :( but it is the perfect shape according to The Silence, so he is making one in preparation for the maintenance/reminder/discipline spanking that is coming up in a few short minutes.
I have just heard him use the sander. So he is not that far away.
And now I hear the tromp tromp tromp of his feet.....Well suck it up M3, and head for the bedroom!!
OH, I forgot the health diary today, and my journalling :( So that was added too.
Well, I deserved it. And I can still sit, as the paddle he made, though hurt like heck when he was using it (and he made me count as well as answer questions...no time for thoughts of ice cream and chocolate sauce in a nice warm cave tonight...so no distancing at all) has left no lasting impression.
I am not sure whether that is good or not.
Our daughter leaves in four weeks for six months away. The day after she leaves we are doing the Boot Camp properly. We have to get back on track and quickly. This bouncing back and forth, and inconsistencies are not good for ttwd at all. It causes frustration in both of us.
I have no idea why I keep pushing the boundaries. I know the rules, what is expected and I was getting good before we left for our two weeks away.
Maybe it is just a build up of that two weeks.
Back to the Boot Camp. The recommended is two to seven days. We had decided that because:
a) I am a slow learner
b)The Silence needs to learn consistency
c)I push the boundaries
and d) I visit the distancing cave quite a bit
we should at least do it for three days. I can see why.
The first day is learning the rules, the second day is hopefully a better day than the first and the third should be the day that all goes well.
The Silence now thinks that four days might be in order, but will see how we go....
I have to put in here, for those that read my posts and think that perhaps I take DD/ttwd lightly.
I do not. I am fully behind our decision to do this. Though my posts might sound like I do not try or think of this as a game I do not. This blogging is my outlet. There are times when I am quite serious with my posting...though that is not my nature at all.
I try ( I am very trying on some days) daily to become what I would like to be as a wife, for my husband and our marriage. Ttwd is serious, you cannot treat it as a joke, it does not work that way.
On a good note, last night I was speaking to a friend that I had mentioned to when we first started doing DD that I was trying to be a better wife with respect and obedience to The Silence.
I had not mentioned the discipline side of it at all. And never will to anyone outside of my wonderful friends that I have made here in blogland.
Anyway, last night this is what she said. Roughly (my memory is not that good, so it is not verbatim)
'You know, I can see a change in you. In your looks, your relationship with each other. You look happier, more relaxed...different somehow. Both of you.'
She also went on to say that they are now working on their relationship too. She is not the sort of person that you can mention spanking too, because of her job. Quite funny really.
The reason why we were chatting...
Because both of our husbands said we had to go to a get together of those that serve in church. A thank you meal and night that happens every year.
Her and I have been friends for a few years now, we know each other, we are similar in many ways, including NOT liking, other than Sunday church, meetings of groups of people.
I find it hilarious that both of our husbands said we were going, and to basically suck it up.
By the way, they picked us up to make sure that his wife came (she would be less likely to fight the decision knowing that I was coming too) and to make sure that I came too.
Done rather sneakily on her husbands part though. Between The Silence and her husband I am sure there was a conspiracy going on. Not to sure on the details, but apparently he told his wife that I was going, therefore she would be going too. This was before he even spoke to The Silence.
Men...so sneaky sometimes :)
Hugs to you all. And may you be, where ever you are in the world spank free today :)