Friday 7 December 2012

Bratty Back....

This is a whinge (Willie I want some of that beer you had, you know, the stuff that makes submission so much easier)
Anyway, this is a whinge...I don't mind if you don't read further. One day, I am going to come on here and write something witty, encouraging and full of wisdom...but not today.

So, I am being bratty. Distancing Dumbbutt is back with a vengeance. Even after knowing what now happens when I go down that road, hand in hand with her.

Here is the story. Not yet played out.

(but I can see the red, rosy, glow of fiery cheeks burning in the distance, rising above the horizon like a new morning sun)

I need some advice.

When you have been let down,  what are you supposed to feel?

When you have been told to wait until a particular day, then that day comes round, and HE forgets, or decides to do something else..what are you supposed to do with these feelings of anger etc?

I know that HE is the head of the household, and HE has a right to choose what HE does or doesn't do, and that I should accept his decisions as being the correct and final ones.

I know that I SHOULD be able to accept that. I do. Ish.

But Distancing Dumbbutt is a slow learner, and is sitting here beside me, whispering sweet nothings in my ear (which is what HE is supposed to be doing).

This is the last night for three weeks that our daughter will be out, it is at this time that things get dealt with....

But no, HE has not been keeping up with what HE is supposed to have been doing daily, so is now seven or so days behind on getting things done, so now HE is parked outside the Dance Studio where our daughter is, doing what I am expected to do and keep up with daily.

He is sitting in the car filling out his journal :(

While I am sitting at home, venting on here. Sorry to you in blogland.

Who knows, if I sit here long enough, I might come up with something witty and full of wisdom.....wonder where the wine is...

I went through today looking forward to tonight. Did all the things I know he likes to have done, completed the task list etc..and...nothing, zilch, nada, nihil, naught, zip, zero and nix..nothing....

So is there 'righteous' anger in ttwd? Is it ok for me to be angry about the fact that he has forgotten, (which would surprise me after some of the texts I sent him today) or that he has chosen not to mention, and to just go on with normal day to day activities? Hoping that I will forget...

Been trying so hard all evening to get it together. To kick Distancing Dumbbutt in the rear and get on with knowing that he is the Boss, and that regardless of what has gone on, I have to accept his choices for tonight.

Today was looking pretty good as another Halo Day too.

Blah Humbug.







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13 comments:

  1. Anonymous7 December 2012 at 22:07

    As a lurker I almost feel like I have no right to reply. Still, here is my thought from all that I've read (still considering a DD lifestyle which seems quite complicated especially as we are an older couple - lol). Yes you have every right to feelings of frustration, anger, disappointment etc. The key is in how it is communicated (so the whole pouting, whining, distancing this is out). In fact, one of the things that has drawm me toward DD is that it feels to me that couples who live this lifestyle are closer because of the commuication/intimacy of the dyamic. So my advice...speak kindly and directly. And best to you.

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    1. Hez8 December 2012 at 00:58

      As a lurker, I do not mind if you comment :) Thank you for your input.

      First though...you said you are 'considering a DD lifestyle.....complicated as we are an older couple'..lol, so are we, in fact most of us are.

      And as an aside: Not sure whether my blog is a good one to be reading..I am a bit of a rebel at the best of times. Though a rebel less than I was a few months ago...for me DD is a slow process of letting go. But thank you for lurking :)

      And..you are right. It is about the communication, and we do feel closer because of it...it is something I forgot tonight.
      Thank you for your advice, it IS much appreciated :)

      Delete
  2. Susie7 December 2012 at 22:09

    My last comment of the morning...promise.

    It is absolutely okay for you to feel angry...the hard part is to not stuff it down but deal with it maturely and without the anger.

    When you have agreed on something and he has not kept his end of the agreement, you are not being "unsubmissive" by feeling that disappointment and I personally do not feel that you should quietly keep your mouth shut. One of the best ways to silence that distancing is to keep communicating and while it is really hard to do, telling our men that they have disappointed us is important. You need him to hear it and he needs to know when you've felt hurt by his inconsistency.

    Of course you accept his decision for how he is spending tonight but this accountability isn't all one way, nor are expectations. Knowing how you felt will hopefully motivate him to not let it happen again soon and hopefully it will help you let go of it and forgive him. They mess up too and they need and need to be forgiven.

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    1. Hez8 December 2012 at 01:24

      Susie, you can comment as much as you like. I love reading your comments. You always seem to have your head on straight and together...unlike me.

      I forgot the communicating bit, so wrapped up in my own 'peevishness' Plus hard to communicate when he is out most of the night. It is now 1am and I had gone to bed long before they both made it home, so still have not spoken to him about it. I will though. Later in the morning.

      Forgiving him is easy. I don't hold grudges..much.

      I guess what made it harder tonight too was the fact that this has happened before, very, very recently, and I thought that we had communicated very well and actually got somewhere.

      Oh well, will see what happens later today :)

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  3. willie8 December 2012 at 01:03

    Hey M3

    Stopping by to let you know I read this, but I don't trust myself to comment. I am EXACTLY the same boat here....again...and I went into today with a perfect submissive heart.

    After much discussion, things will play out, but I can't seem to regain my sub heart before it will.

    Good Luck, bottoms up ( er cheers)

    Willie

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    1. Hez8 December 2012 at 01:08

      You and I up the proverbial creek without paddles again Willie?

      I tell you, I am not helping you to bail that darn boat again...I am more than likely to put my foot through the bottom...or someones bottom....

      cheers to you to :)

      Delete
    2. Hez8 December 2012 at 05:19

      Actually Willie, if you bring the beer, I will help you bail :)

      Delete
  4. Hez8 December 2012 at 01:05

    This comment has been removed by the author.

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  5. Hez8 December 2012 at 01:22

    Just realised, that other than one lone cornertime...Today (which is now yesterday since it is 1.21am the next day) was another Halo Day..regardless of how I was feeling before midnight..it was a no spanking day. Now had he been home, that could of changed quite quickly.

    Have to be thankful for small mercies :)

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  6. Anonymous8 December 2012 at 03:17

    This back and forth dance that we do in ttwd, is somehow part of it all. I know it is frustrating, but I can't help but think this better understanding that we achieve in the aftermath of working through it all, is (as Irishey phrased brilliantly to me recently) "money in our TiH and dd bank."
    It is in these moments of trial and error, and disappointment that we discover things about ourselves that will make ttwd richer.
    Now - if you believe that.....I'll have one of Wilma's beer.

    Seriously, I do think it is true,
    it is part of it....
    hugs lillie

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  7. Hez8 December 2012 at 05:02

    Thanks Lillie :)

    We do end up with a much better understanding of ourselves and each other. A whole new experience really.

    Willie is going to have to start stocking up that fridge I think!

    That aside, you are right. And it comes down to the communication between each other. Darn, means we will have to have a 'chat' this morning.

    Hugs to you Lillie

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  8. Callie8 December 2012 at 18:11

    I always find a few Boags helpful in these sorts of situations :P....... or a Sav Blanc.......
    Honestly, it sucks when the consistency doesn't feel like its there at all. It does make us want to run away and hide from everything.
    I get really frustrated that he doesn't do things the way I want... is it 'righteous'? I don't know. I suppose he needs to recognise that there is a fault and he needs to try and apologise for it.
    Best Wishes
    Callie

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  9. Hez9 December 2012 at 03:44

    The consistency of forgetting is there...and I will have a nice red thanks..or a box of Midori...

    Thanks Callie :)

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