Monday, 15 October 2012

Corner Time, Equations and Myself Pt 2

Lights out...time to be go to sleep....hmm mmm ho hum......
That was last night.
A few minor (ish) indiscretions on my part (who else's would it be?)
HoH said he would deal with it tomorrow, meaning today. I thought he might of forgotten it while he dreamed the dreams of domestic bliss, before he woke up to reality.  But he hasn't, and it still needs dealing with. That means tonight, while the young adults in our house are out at their various activities. It means he has to drop them off, come home to administer whatever punishment it is going to be, then race back and pick them up.

Poor man.

I guess eventually I will feel the need to come here and type less as I get my own emotions under grip (maybe), but right now, I need this.

I still have that sassy mood going on, it comes in waves, washes over me, leaves and comes back again. Sometimes the wave is so big I feel like I am drowning in sassiness. I will have to find an outlet before he comes home, or I could plead temporary foot in mouth disease when he does.  

I wonder if he would accept that? I could try talking my way out trouble, but he is starting to wise up to that one. He is very, very clever, and an extremely quick learner.

I don't think I am going to give in too easy to this submission. I want it, I want it for our marriage, I want it for the dynamics of our house, I want it because I can already see the changes, both in HoH and myself. I am becoming more aware of 'me' I want it because I love him, starting to trust him more, because I want him to be the husband he is supposed to be, the protector of my heart, the lover of me, my leader.

But this sassiness and feeling of rebellion is going to get me into real trouble, very, very, very fast. I was born with a fighting attitude, I am sure of it. I don't give in easily. I was reading some information today on DD and one person had asked a question of whether it was 'normal' to not cry and to feel angry after a spanking/punishment. The moderator who owns the site said it was normal to feel angry when you are first starting out in DD. But if she was not crying then her HoH was not spanking her hard or long enough. That crying is what brings the relief and remorse, and the submission...hmmm, I don't cry. I don't want to cry. I never cry (unless it is a sad movie)

Maybe watching sad movies should be punishment? We could sit there calmly side by side while I bawl my eyes out over the movie. HoH could lecture in the quiet parts of the movie....

I might need to go and put myself in the Corner Time corner.  I might still be there when he comes home in 5 hours time........

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