Wednesday, 17 October 2012

What do you do with all that energy?

(The title is a valid question from last night.)

I blame the dinner. The meat or the mushrooms or something else I ate. I tried to stop. I did, I really did.

I learnt it is not a good idea to sit across the table while he is working and throw bits of tissues at your husband..

I learnt that when The Silence is still smiling and he says NO MORE, he means NO MORE.
(Now how was I supposed to know that when he was smiling at the time?)

I learnt that my mind, when I am in that pent up energy state, has an entire life of its own.

I learnt that while in Corner Time I had better not let it wander from the task at hand - mainly thinking about what I have just done. It is not good to stray from that reason.

I must not, must not! Think of the Chicken Dance while standing in Corner Time with my hands on my head. This is not good. (I only thought it, I did not dance it. Thinking of it was bad enough)

I must not think of 'Dearly Beloved, we are gathered here today' With hands clasped in front of me while in Corner Time. This is not good.

I must not think 'Are we there yet?' When I think I have been in Corner Time for too long. This also is not good. I must also thank the lucky stars that when I was thinking about saying it time was up!

I must remember that The Silence was very gracious last night. He was being a very tolerant, loving husband. I should have felt his hand on my rear more times than I did.

So my question remains. What do you do with all that pent up energy?

I am in my forties. I should be mature. I should not get the giggles like a flirty teenage girl.

Age and maturity went well and truly on their merry way last night, and left me to deal with the rest.

When I got up this morning, I realised it really was a major disrespect to his authority, and disobedience. Last night it just did not register.
I tried to get myself under control, but everything just seemed so funny. My mind did its wandering trick quite well,  and at t 1am this morning, I was still restless and full of energy. (this does not happen often, thank goodness)

Even when I tried to do things as a distraction, to try and get myself under control, I was so full of energy that I could not stay to task.

Am I alone in this? Or has this happened to you? What do you do when you are in that frame of mind? What do you do with all that pent up energy, when pre DD you would just say and do what you wanted?

An update on yesterday:
I did do the food chart. (sort of) and I did do the Bible readings and Journal. I didn't like it, and the toes were doing the sassy sassy sassy dance the entire time.
I am accountable to do them every day. The HOH does not want to check them. But I must do them everyday.

I am still battling with the control/manipulation area. This is going to be a long, long, long road. Every time I think of not being able to control and manipulate my environment for my own purposes/emotional reasons etc, I start to feel angry.  I HAVE to learn to get these feelings under the thumb. I can trust this husband of mine, he has proved that time and time again. But how do you undo 40 odd years of living like this?

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