It was me.
If I have to be honest in this blogging business, I would have to say that it is not a nice thing to know.
It is not nice knowing that the man that God lead you to marry, the one you were to cherish, respect, obey and love unconditionally, is the same man that you have taken down with your cutting remarks, disrespect, put downs and lack of support and encouragement.
I know that it is only through God that we are still married 23 years later. I shake my head in wonder when I look back on the years that all this has happened. And shake my head even more, when I realise how much my husband managed to cling to of himself when outside the home. He is a miracle of how God protects the very essence of what you are supposed to be in Christ. He keeps it protected, tucked away for a time when it no longer needs protecting and can be brought out so He can do His work and you can step up and be the person God created you to be.
Is this all about Christ and God..no, it is not meant to be. They are just little revelations I have had sitting here typing this.
Did I know I was doing it? Yes and No. I am not a subscriber to the 'lets blame the past for your future' as we all can make a choice which road we follow. I am not saying that it does not affect you, what I am saying is you have a choice. Life is a choice, the way you live it, which path you go down, how you react to people is all a choice.
Sometimes it takes a bit of thinking about what you are doing or saying....and this, my dear reader is where I had failed.
I had not made the choice to let the defences down when I got married. I chose to carry those with me, into a relationship where I hurt and took down the one man, who loved me for who I was. The one man that I should of trusted was not going to hurt me. The one man that deserved my respect, adoration and trust.
(Remember, I did not say the past does not effect you, I said you can make a choice and not stay in the defences you have built for protection etc)
Ok so that is a quick run down on what has led us to Domestic Discipline or DD or Loving Domestic Discipline (LDD) or Christian Domestic Discipline (CDD) Whichever way you call it, it is the same.
There is no abuse, even in spanking, as this is agreed upon by both the HOH (Head of Household) and the wife. Anymore information than that, and you can do what I did and do the research over the next couple of months. That is as far as I am going with the meaning of DD...this blog is not about what it is, how to do it...There is better blogs out there with more knowledge than I can give, even after several months of research.
Day one was the 11/10/12. I will write about that in the next blog. My husband wants me to keep a journal, diary whatever you want to call it. He has already told me I am not accountable to him to do it. So I do not have to do it everyday, I am only accountable to actually get this started by tonight. At the moment it is hard enough to even keep my mouth shut in respect let alone adding to it.
Well, I hope all of this, or even part of this make sense. It is now day three of our DD marriage, so really I have bit of blogging to catch up on.