This is the problem of getting up early. There is nothing to do. I used to do a social networking site. I gave that up a week ago as it took up so much of my time that could of been spent with 'The Silence'
Now I come here, while he is asleep, get my thoughts down for the day.
I follow two blogs: One is about what/how/when etc about Domestic Discipline. It is not about the erotic side of DD. It is about having a loving DD marriage. It is what started us on this road. This road to....Freedom with boundaries.
'The Silence' said the other day that he was afraid he was going to squash my spirit. That I was always going to be on edge about saying or doing something wrong and that he did not want to do that. He still wanted me to be me.
The first few days were exactly like that. And funnily enough I was starting to think the same thing. Now I know that my spirit will never be squashed. It cannot be. I was born with it, and we are WILLINGLY doing this. This is not a one sided choice.
I am still going to be Me. Still laugh at the same things, still do the stupid little things I do (with boundaries) I will still have the fight in me, but the fight is now for our marriage not against it. My spirit is not broken, it never will be, it has just changed direction. It is now heading the way it should of been heading long, long ago.
We will still discuss things, talk things over, it is not a 'yes sir, no sir, three bags full sir (though I have stopped myself from saying this several times in the last week, with those sassy toes dancing away in my shoes) relationship. I just know that ultimately the decisions are his. He will take my opinions into consideration, weigh all the possibilities and make the right choice. I trust him. I might buck against some of the decisions, because I may not like them, but I have to learn to accept them.
And I trust him because he is a man of God, he has never let that go, in the face of all those years of me taking him down with the disrespect and distancing and disobedience. He has hung in there, never been dishonest, never gossiped, never lied, never done anything that has jeopardized us. I have. He has not. I trust this man completely.
The second blog I follow is one that I am starting to treasure more and more. It is intelligent, witty, humorous and starkingly real.
Being in a DD marriage is not easy. It is frowned upon by society. Being submissive to your husband is not the norm. Getting spanked for not being submissive is way out of the norm.
It is a lonely place to be.
Even when you can see how it works, lived the benefits of it, seen the changes, there is no one you can tell. Unless you are lucky enough to accidently find someone, you are in this together alone. Except for other peoples blogs. THANK YOU CYBER SPACE!!!!
The second blog is written by another person living the DD lifestyle. It is where I go when I need a laugh, when I need to know that I am not alone. There are many, many blogs out there from those that are living this relationship, but this one, I love reading, sometimes it is like a mirror of myself.
I laugh and sometimes tears will well up as I read this second blog. I laugh because it is funny, or I find myself thinking 'oh my gosh, I said that too' (though I am starting to think there is a DD 101 textbook out there for the wives in a DD marriage, as we all seem to try the same thing from what I read in this blogs comments. I told 'The Silence' this last night, and said we were all cut from the same cloth....he said, 'From the same rib at least' yeah, thanks Adam and Eve)
We seem to say the same things....with the same results. Ow.
While it is funny, there is the serious side too. I can read between the lines and see her struggle from day to day. The pain sometimes of having to give in to emotions she doesn't want to give in to. The pain of having her butt spanked because of something she has said or done. The struggles she has gone through previously, and the days that have come with their own problems that she has dealt with and overcome.
The struggle with distancing herself, not wanting to face the world, wanting to retreat, pushing others away.
I can see this, because I know.
I also know that she is an inspiration to me.
Now it is time to go and make The Silence his wake up coffee. I have done this for years, I had better not stop now :)