Knowing that my husband loves me, and that he finds it really, really hard to administer the spankings (I usually handed out the discipline to the children when they were little) I would think that I would on day four be a better person, with more respect. There are certain things that we have listed as being major and minor...the minor list is very small. So far, the minor list might as well not be in existence.
This is going to be a long, long process. I see that now, and I also see that Saturdays, in fact the entire weekend is going to be a case of just nod and say yes. Doesn't matter if yes is not the correct answer, just answer yes.
We went shopping this morning. The HoH thought it would be a good idea to get some 'implements' Oh goody, yes, yes please let us go on an outing together, that is not going to church, the first one in months and buy some 'implements'
So I am going for the light and breezy look in the 'implements' while HoH is going for the solid, flat, this is going to be good 'implements' He is planning on having something that is going to deliver a good spanking, with less spanks and great results.
Meanwhile me, his obedient wife is getting just a little antsy. You see, we had decided that I would no longer smoke in the car. I have a set pattern (well I did have) to where ever we go. So by this stage I was about two smokes short of a good mood. And I knew we would be going to more places too. No excuse really.
So I lost it. Answered back in THAT tone that shows that I really don't care what you are doing, lets just go. Meanwhile, he just smiles, and I walk away leaving him to take his time along the aisles. I go somewhere where I can quietly under my breath say a swear word that sums up the all knowing feeling that we are currently looking for 'implements' and I just broke one of the major disrespect rules.
I know about disrespect, we have had children. I know what it sounds like, how it is given, and yet I still cannot treat my husband with the respect he deserves. He earns the money and pays the bills, he is the one that takes care of us...me. He is lovingly turning me into the wife that he needs, that I want to be. An 'Above Rubies' woman and wife. It is a very delicate process...and one, though I want it, I keep bucking against.
I guess, I could use the excuse that it is only day four. That would be a valid excuse. It would also be a valid excuse to excuse the fact that in the next hour and a half I answered back another three times.
And in our bedroom still in their bags are the two new 'implements'
They are not in their bags now though. They were christened earlier on. It was a case of 'implement meet butt.'
Then they met again when I flatly said 'NO ARE YOU SERIOUS' When I would not put my hands on my head because I was rubbing the meeting place of the 'implements' My husband is learning far to fast.
Must give my husband credit though, the poor man was almost in tears at having to administer such a spanking. But he did, and he did with love in his heart. I can see it in face.
Problem being too, is that we have to wait until the rest of the family goes out. So the punishment is put off. Plus the answering back happened when we were out. Had we been at home, by ourselves, it would of been meted out there and then and I might of remembered (maybe) to not answer back for the rest of the day.
Now this brings me to something that I am going to take a few days to work out. Defiance.
We do the hug and talk, sit for a bit together, while he comforts me. He asks me if I am alright....and I am. Sore, stinging butt and all...I am alright. There are no tears, there is regret that I answered him back, and know that I should not. But there is that nasty little feeling of defiance there too.
It is defiance that keeps me in that place of "hey, yes that hurt but I am ok, so sorry that I answered back' Is true penitence there? Gosh I would hope so...but why the strong feeling of defiance and not penitence?
Will think of this over the next few days.
Tomorrow is Sunday. We are not home as much. Let us hope that I keep it all together. It could be a Conquistador Day!
(Incase anyone is wondering why the first three posts are posted on the same day...it is because I have had to put them all in today
;0
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