Wednesday, 31 October 2012


I have made it!! Two days without the major over the bed spanking!!!! I am not counting Mondays one, as that was a carry over from Sunday.

That is two whole days!

Ok, so that does not count the quick swats for back chatting, or the OTK for minor distancing...I was still talking to him, from behind a really it doesn't count as a major stuff up :)

The most surprising thing was, is that The Silence picked up on it. Immediately. It was a bit of a shock when he asked 'Are you distancing behind there?' This man of mine is a fast learner.

Oh, and I have said NO several times, but that earned me just a few pats OTK. Actually, slightly more than a few.

And...oh dear, this is sounding worse and worse as I sit here and type. Here I was thinking how wonderful I have been, when in reality, I have a feeling I have been getting away with more than I should have been :(

Right now I should be cleaning the ceiling fans as punishment for not getting out of bed and doing a 10 min stint in CT last night.

Seriously, who thought I had to get out of bed to do that when the night before I did it face down, arms on head, laying in bed....where I promptly fell asleep. Hence the reason why I was supposed to get out of bed to do it last night.  He did say to get out of bed to do it, I thought I had a choice, so I stayed in bed, and went to sleep :(

And he is still doing the silent counting (three times apparently).

Have you started yet?


When you get to 8, do you start counting in halves and quarters?


Well that is not fair!

I have finished counting.

Want to start again?

No, and you have ran out of time.

(thinking in my head...'Well, la de da, I am not a mind reader'!)

Can we start again?

I have  (such a patient man)

What number are you up to now?


What? Already? But you have only just started! How fast do you count?

No, I started while you were still talking and you have once again ran out of time

How much CT have I done so far while I have been laying here quiet?

4 minutes. 

Is that all! Well, that means I only have 6 minutes left then. Have you started counting again?

Yes, and no, you have 10 mins left

Well, anyway you get the drift of the matter. Needless to say, if the daughter was not home, then I probably maybe, would of got a OTK goodnight butt kiss with his hand.

So, for obvious reasons, I have a punishment task to do...clean the ceiling fans.

There are only three fans, no biggy really.  (I tell you, by the end of this month our house will be able to win the cleanest house in the country award). Three, not much at all, maybe 30 mins work.
Then why are my toes dug into the floor boards, with that ever familiar rebellious feeling sitting in the pit of my stomach?
He has not added the normal things to The List, the everyday type of cleaning. Just the punishment one. So it is not as if it is extra work, if anything, I should be grateful that he has been so lenient.

I think I was born with this over rebellious/want to be in control trait. I think it probably starting growing the night I was conceived. There was a raging storm the morning I was born, so maybe that is to blame......
I know...I am trying to make excuses.

I want to be submissive, I want this DD lifestyle, so if that is the case, then why don't I just suck it up and get on with it?

Why is it so hard to keep the mouth shut and not bite back, or to do what is asked of me, or do the punishment tasks.

I do, do the tasks (including the punishment tasks) out of obedience to The Silence. They do get done, before he gets home, three hours before the deadline. So if I know that I am going to do them, why do I put myself through all this and not just get on with it?

Sometimes, human nature is such a complex web of emotions and sassy sassy sassy toes :(

All this aside, last night was a wonderful night where we just spent time together. The Silence did not walk away from me when my attitude started to suck. Whereas once a upon at time he would have, or I would have, and it would of left me angry and bitter inside and him hurt and wondering where he had gone wrong.
I love this man,. I love the way he took control, and we ended up with a fantastic evening together (other than the few swats on the butt to get his point across)
It was a time of loving, caring and being ourselves without ...without what? I don't know, it was just different, and amazing having that time together.

If this is what DD does, then I never, ever want to go back to the way it was before. EVER.

I might fight the rules and still backchat, be disrespectful when I should not be, be rebellious and still want to be in control, but right now, I would rather have the spankings and punishment tasks than to just go on from day to day the way we used too.

And lets face it...I am changing, slowly, but surely changing for the better. I must be, as I have gone two days without OTB time for anything major. Last week I was beginning to despair of that ever happening in this lifetime. So long as The Silence stays consistent, I should learn. Eventually.

Now I am going to clean the ceiling fans.

May your day be blessed and spank free :)


  1. Just spotted you on Bonnie's blog. Welcome to the blogging world.


  2. I may have missed a few posts but you sound so much better than you did last week! Congratulations on your two days.

    You are completely right. The internal conflicts are huge. The desire to be submissive is also there but it fights heavily with who we have been for so many years. You're doing great!

  3. Thanks Susie. It was a great two days! The calm before the storm! Still happy though and will blog about the day from h*** and the control issues that I could just not let go :(
    But yes, much happier than last week, as now I know I can actually go a few days :)

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