I think The Silence is becoming far to fond of lines.
'I will not distance myself from --------as it is harmful to both of us'
'I am learning to hold and control my tongue in front of others'
'Every day in every way, I am getting better and better and better'
We decided that having to 'wait and hang' for a spanking, as potentially it could be 2 to 5 days to wait (eventually I shouldn't need that many spankings...right?) was not really achieving much of a result. Often I was worrying more about the spanking than actually working on changing the behaviour, and quite often one or both of us was forgetting what it was for. That is what happens when you mess up, somedays quite often.
So after a chat about it we came to the conclusion that perhaps doing a 'punishment' straight after the mess up and several the next day would keep it all in mind for me, so that I would be able to concentrate on the reasons why, not 'oh crap, this is going to hurt'
So far it is working. Though the lines are getting rather tedious. As, of course they should be....
DISRESPECT features largely on the list of offences. Everyday in fact. It is under the 'major list'. I never realised just how much disrespect HOH has had to put up with ...until now.
I am getting better at some things. I am thinking more about what I am saying, doing. Except when I am tired, feeling stressed and just not plain thinking about things. My mind can be wandering on a different path all together from my mouth, which seems to constantly hold disrespectful words waiting to pour out while I am thinking of other things.
This could be because sometimes, just sometimes, I can look like I am listening, but I could be, in my mind on some tropical beach somewhere. So my first response to The Silence is words that I have not thought about.
DISOBEDIENCE this one does not feature much. Thank goodness! Often on 'The Green Book Daily List' where what I have to achieve each day is written, I will go the extra mile to please The Silence (HOH). I have had to examine my motives on this one.
a) Am I going the extra mile because often I see that doing the task is not useful unless the whole picture is complete? (eg: vacuuming one room while the others are messy)
b) Am I going the extra mile to say 'So there!'
c) Am I going the extra mile because I love him and want to learn to obey?
I am, in most cases going for A and C. Though to be honest, B was high on the agenda at the start. It is not so much now. We have discussed this one when I went to him to ask how he felt about me doing the extra bit.
Did he think I was being disrespectful/disobedient when I did do the extra? We came to the conclusion that you should go the extra mile, and that is what I was doing. So brownie points for me please :)
Going to stop here, and later do part 2. I know that some of you that read this, have a short internet time, so I am trying not to ramble to much so that you have time to read my boring blogs :)